The Gift
A true story and a mathematical proof of the miracle of the gift of life, or "How we are all fucking this up so badly!"
Hello RootCausers. Hello 2Bers!
I started this project in response to the growing epidemics of pessimism, stress, and depression. There are far too many of us who are far too pessimistic about our future. And our collective pessimism is not irrational. Objectively speaking, too many things are moving in the wrong direction. Pick you poison – politics, corruption, climate, work-life balance, wealth inequality, health, family, education, crime and violence, creeping fascism – and with few exceptions, it seems the trends are moving in the wrong direction. How can this be? It makes no sense.
You see friends, life and living are epic gifts of the highest order. Being alive – experiencing, feeling, interacting, laughing, crying, learning, emoting, creating, exploring, discovering, and everything else that defines our human experience – is truly a miracle of miracles. The gift of all gifts. So if our gift of life is obscured and our collective happiness waning, then it is we who are fucking it all up. There is no celestial malfeasance at work here. If life is truly an epic gift of the highest order and we fail to embrace this gift in our day to day lives, then the failure is ours and our alone – a failure of our societal institutions, spiritual institutions, educational institutions, and socio-economic systems.
And I can prove that life is an epic gift.
My story starts with a shocking, seemingly paradoxical pronouncement: there is no meaning to life! Yup. You heard me. There is no meaning to life. There is no higher cause. There is no “super-strata of enlightenment” that leads to Nirvana, heaven, or eternal bliss. But don’t despair. Nihilists, don’t jump in euphoric angst. The miracle of you is far grander than one could ever imagine.
Everyone wants to know the meaning of life. The “one thing”. Well here it is: Life is the most miraculous, epic gift ever. A gift of the highest order. A gift so profound and improbable, that it is truly a miracle. And the magnitude of this gift – this miracle of miracles – exceeds all odds beyond all odds. And as I avowed, I can prove it. Mathematically! So if you want to learn more. If you want to do your part to start turning things around, then you must read on. I promise a beautiful story that will make you laugh, cry and put a smile on your face. And perhaps, just perhaps, together, we might start making a difference.
Of all things, a visit with my Bubby?
My story, our story, begins thirty years ago. I was visiting my family in upstate New York and I went to see my Grandmother whom I called “Bubby.” She was living in an old, depressing apartment building. She was 86 or 87 years old at the time; she had recently moved from her beautiful ranch home into this gray, shabby apartment so that she might more readily walk to and from her orthodox Jewish temple, just down the street, less than a mile away. On this particular Sunday morning, my Bubby was in a was in a foul mood.
“Bubby, why are you so upset?”, I asked.
“Because yesterday, after I walked home from shul, I realized I had been carrying my apartment keys in the pocket of my dress,” she answered.
Here’s a little primer on Judaism 101. Many of you might know the Jewish Sabbath begins on Friday evening and ends the following Saturday evening. The Sabbath is Judaism’s most sacred day – a day of rest. contemplation, prayer, and family. There are, of course, many dictates in Jewish law on how one must observe the Sabbath and the most important of all, perhaps, is the absolute prohibition against doing any manner of work during the Sabbath, and this includes carrying one’s keychain in the pocket of one’s dress! And so my 87 year old grandmother – the devout Jew who could not walk without pain but nevertheless walked a mile to and from her synagogue (because you can’t drive on the Sabbath either) – was still angry for having transgressed God in such an egregious fashion!
I remember smiling to myself, probably in some smug, self-satisfied manner. You see, some years earlier, my ever curious mind, seeking truth beyond religious parables, started experiencing profound pangs of awakening. By this time, I had concluded that the scientific method was, and is, humanity’s crowning achievement – a beacon forever guiding us towards naked truth, with no pre-ordained bias or stake in outcome, other than unadorned, data-based, peer-reviewed quests for true knowledge.
I recall asking my Bubby to sit next to me at a small round table in her drab kitchen, lit with the gray fluorescent lighting of pallor and ennui. As she sat down, I grabbed an envelope and pen, and, as I turned that envelope over I asked, “Bubby, God is the Master of the Universe, right?
She answered reflexively, immediately, “Yes!”
I looked to her and said, “Bubby, I would love to show you what that means. Would that be ok?” She said, “Yes.” And so, on the back of that envelope, I wrote down one simple number, the number “9”.
She looked at me. “Why did you write down that number?”
I answered, “God is the master of the universe, right? Well, Bubby, we live in a little celestial neighborhood called a ‘solar system’. Our particular solar system has one star, the Sun, and nine planets.” (Ok people. This was the early 1990s. Pluto was still considered a planet)
I continued, “Bubby, God, is the master of the Universe, so that means he is the master of our whole solar system, our Sun and nine planets?”
Again she replied reflexively, “Yes.”
Then, on the back of that envelope, to the immediate right of the “9”, I wrote down a small multiplication sign followed by a number, 500,000,000,000.
Bubby was curious. “Why did you write down the number 500 billion?”
I responded, “Well, our little celestial neighborhood, our solar system, is actually part of a bigger celestial neighborhood, a ‘metropolis’ really, that scientists call a galaxy. Our home galaxy is called The Milky Way, and scientists estimate there might be something like 500 billion solar systems in our galaxy!” I continued, “So let’s assume there’s 500 billion solar systems in our galaxy, and that each one has, on average, nine planets. God is the master of all of this, right?”
“Yes,” she responded.
I wrote down another multiplication sign and another 500,000,000,000.
“Why did you write that same number down again?”
My Bubby had vibrant, beautiful blue eyes. I looked right at them and here is what I said. “Well Bubby, it turns out our universe is actually comprised of a multitude of these galaxies. Scientists estimate there may be 500 billion galaxies or more! So, let’s assume that there 500 billion galaxies, and that on average they each contain 500 billion solar systems and that, on average, each of these has nine planets. That’s the universe, Bubby. So…I paused a second or two for dramatic effect… Do you think God, the master of all this, cares that you carried your keys yesterday?”
For the briefest of moments, Bubby was silent. And then a beaming smile spread across her face. Years later, I still don’t know if she grasped the profundity of our back-of-the-envelope, celestial calculus. Still, at the very least, I succeeded in pulling her out of her bad mood. For me, this was a true mitzvah (the Jewish notion of meritorious action). We talked for a few more minutes, and then I kissed my Bubby goodbye and left. My Bubby passed away not too long after, and this interaction is my last, most cherished memory of her. Neither she nor I could never have known how profoundly it changed my life nor how many times I have repeated this tale.
Ayahuasca in Westchester County
Fast forward a dozen years later to April 2006. I was still living in New York City, but getting ready to move to Boulder, CO. Amid all the chaos of a beautiful one-year old girl, a new marriage, and a small, jumbled apartment stuffed with packing boxes, I received an invitation from a dear friend whom I have not seen since, Johnny America, to join him for a shaman-lead ayahuasca journey. For those who don’t know, ayahuasca is a South American psychoactive brew traditionally used to fuel spirit quests, healings, and more. Without missing a beat, and with my wife’s blessing, I accepted. Things were hectic to say the least, but there was no way in hell I wasn’t going on that journey.
I remember vividly every aspect of that day. Our journey took place on a gorgeous estate in Westchester County. Our group, a dozen New Yorkers, was to be led by a shaman of some repute, who had traveled from South America. We prepped our journey sanctuary by lining a glass enclosed veranda with blankets and pillows. I loudly proclaimed a sincere hope for a surreal, out-of-body experience that would have me traveling through space-time, much like Dr. David Bowman experienced in Kubrik’s ‘2001 A Space Odyssey’. I didn’t have that journey but the one I ended up having was far more profound than I could have ever imagined.
We circled up, chanted some beseechments for fruitful journeys, and drank the sacred tea – a muddy, unpleasant-tasting, secret concoction of hot water steeped with herbs and ayahuasca.
When it comes to ayahuasca journeys, many people experience a dark, emotionally draining experience of literal, figurative, and psychological purging. My experience was nothing the like. I experienced no retching nor dark thoughts. My journey was beautiful, awe inspiring, and transformative. The wisdom, knowledge, and enlightenment I was gifted on that particular day remains one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. And it is this wisdom I wish to share with you today, for on that day, during my journey, I was given epiphanous, awe-inspiring insight into the miracle of being alive.
I remember drinking the sacred brew. We all lied down on our nests of blankets and pillows, secure in our sanctuary, awaiting whatever might come our way. We were arranged one right next to the other, yet our journeys were uniquely solitary affairs. Strange.
The ayahuasca took less than an hour to fully work its magic. Deep, profound thoughts streamed into my head, and wouldn’t you know it, random thoughts and visions had me right back at my Bubby’s kitchen table, staring at the back of that envelope and the calculus thereon. But it was different this time. Vast, enormous numbers started steaming into my head. It was right then, precisely there, that a more complete, magnificent, version of my Bubby’s equation appeared. It was a proof!
Now, to be clear, I am no mathematician. I had studied some higher-level mathematics and statistics during my collegiate and post-grad years, but those days had long passed. Still, there I was, on the floor of our makeshift sanctuary, trans-morped by a sacred brew, and BAM, an incontrovertible proof of the miracle of the gift of life was beamed into my brain. Me! Of all people!
Here now is that equation – a literal mathematical proof of the miraculous nature of life and sentient consciousness that has been bestowed upon all of us.
The Math of The Gift
Ok, now for some math. Stay with me people, I know. Math. Of all the things one might experience during an ayahuasca journey…math? But friends do not despair. The math is a simple calculus that only involves some multiplication of admittedly very, very, very large numbers! Oh, and one, final, mind-blowing fraction.
Join me now on that journey. Envision if you will, the back of that envelope in my Bubby’s kitchen – nine planets, our Sun, and our home galaxy, which is just one of uncountable billions and trillions of others. You are on that blanket with me in our makeshift sanctuary, and I have a question for you: What do you think the average weight of a typical human being is? I don’t really know the answer (I do know that like the Universe, it’s expanding), but let’s assume the average human being weighs 70 kilograms (154 pounds).
Stay with me. I have another question for you? How much do you think our celestial home – the planet Earth – weighs? Yes, this shit was actually flowing through my mind on that journey. I didn’t know the answer then, but I did know it was incomprehendibly huge. Today I now know the mass of our Earth is estimated at 6×1024 kilograms, or 6 septillion kilos. This is what that number actually looks like:
The mass of the Earth = 6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg.
Here’s the important point. The average human being – a random conglomeration of organic, living, mass, energy and consciousness – weights 70 kilograms. The Earth on the other hand, weighs 6 septillion kilograms and all of that mass is, for all intent and purposes, dead. Inorganic elements, minerals, gases, and energy that experiences no consciousness. No life. No awareness. Nothing.
Stay with me friends. It gets better.
You’ll recall back at my Bubby’s kitchen table, there are nine planets in our solar system, and our Earth is actually the fifth most massive planet in the solar system. For our purposes, let’s assume that each of the nine planets weighs, on average, 6 septillion kilograms. Another thought popped into my brain, which means I have another question for you? How massive is the Sun?
Our Sun is a gigantic, boiling cauldron of unfathomably hot, roiling gas and radiation on which no living creature could ever survive. Just how big is it? I am not unproud to admit that I actually knew this one. The Sun’s mass is estimated to be 330,000 times that of the Earth! 330,000 times more massive. This means the mass of our solar system (I’ll do the math for you) is estimated at 2 nonillion kilograms. Here is what that number looks like:
The mass of our solar system = 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg.
Don’t jump ahead please. We’re still in my Bubby’s kitchen, staring at the equation I scrawled on the back of that envelope. There are 500 billion solar systems in our galaxy. 500 Billion! So, doing the math, and you’re now talking about tredecillions – any number followed by 42 zeroes! This means the mass of the Milky Way galaxy, our beautiful, but nevertheless non-sentient, non-conscious accumulation of mass energy weighs 1 tredecillion kilograms. That number looks like this:
The mass of the Milky Way: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000 kg.
And it doesn’t stop there. Remember? There are perhaps 1 trillion galaxies in the observable Universe. 1 friggin’ trillion! One followed by another twelve zeroes. So let’s add another twelve zeroes to our 1 tredecillion kilos and we are at 1 “Septendecillion” kilos. That’s a 1 followed by 54 zeroes. And that number looks like this.
The mass of the universe is:
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg!
So, there you have it people. All the multiplication is finished. All that remains now is one, MIND BLOWING fraction. A simple equation that describes the precise odds of matter and energy randomly coalescing – at this particular moment of space and time – to create you. The math of the miracle of your life, and everyone else’s. The definitive, unequivocal, unassailable proof of just how miraculous and precious you are. The shocking reality of how rare and precious we all are. The very formula for the gift of life. Of sentient consciousness. Of emoting, thinking, crying, laughing, interacting, experiencing, creating art. Of having children. Of experiencing joy and pain. Of happiness and sadness. Of touch, love, birth, and death… And remember this: the numerator of the fraction is alive and sentient. Its you. And the denominator is…dead and inorganic. So here it is, the grand unifying miracle of you is this:
Out of all the dead, inorganic mass out there, the odds of you being you are precisely 75 kilos over a number equal to 1 and 54 zeroes…
Out of all the unfeeling mass out there, the odds of mass and energy randomly conglomerating to create you is 75 over 1×1054…
The odds of being sentient and alive are 75/1×1054.
The odds of a being that emotes, feels, creates and exeperiences are 75: 1 Septendecillion!
And that my friends, is a fucking miracle. Of the highest order! Do you know what the odds of winning the Powerball are? 1 in 300 million. Add 48 zeros to that number, and those are the odds of you.
And yet, here you are, reading this blog post… Hallelujah!
This, my friends, was the gift bestowed upon me during my journey. On one gloomy, gray day in Westchester County, April, 2006. Insight into the miracle I call “The Gift”.
There is only one prayer
I recall the unbridled joy I felt having been enlightened in this way. Many hours later, while lying on my mattress of blankets and pillows, I asked my fellow sojourners if I might share my gift. All who were present awoke from their own respective journeys and afforded me the honor of sharing my learnings. And so I did. Just like I am sharing this with you, now. I told them first about my Bubby, and then I shared the equation. The sanctuary was silent. Everything was so silent. Everyone was breathless, rapt with awe and amazement.
There was one more thing I was taught during my journey, that only one thing was asked of us in return for the gift. One simple request. One prayer was required. Every once in awhile, not all the time mind you, just once in awhile, look up at the stars and whisper, or shout, “Thank you”.
I shared this too with my fellow sojourners in the sanctuary that day. And do you know what happened? Each and every one of them jumped up from their beds and started screaming “Thank you”. At the top of their lungs. Screaming. Chanting. “Thank you.” Thank you”, Thank you.
Epilogue
I recall only now that during my journey, I was instructed (by whom? does it matter?) that I needed to share ‘the Gift’ with the world. That this was my life’s destiny. I have forsaken this mandate. I am so sorry and saddened that it has taken me so long to honor this sacred request. They say it’s never too late, and I always say, “On to the next adventure”, so here I am, seventeen years later, honoring my sacred oath. Which brings me to TheRootCause.
My friends, there are so many questions that need to be asked. Against the backdrop of “The Gift” – the epic miracle we all our – how is it that so many are so miserable? Why and how are so many so stressed? So pessimistic? So fearful? So greedy? So lacking in empathy? How is it that we are squandering this miracle of miracles? What is the root cause?How is it that we squander our lives pursuing inane, vapid goals when we have been given so much more? What is the root cause?
People, we are fucking this all up. 70 kilograms divided by 1 x 10^54 ! That is the gift you have been given. That is your miracle. That is my miracle. That is the miracle of all of us. It is unfathomable. It’s mind blowing. What a gift. Bestowed upon us, by the universe! The odds of mass and energy, coalescing, at this particular moment across 14 billion years of space time. Oh, people. Do you realize what a gift you are? What a miracle it is that we exist at all.
And sentient life? Fuhgeddaboudit!
One truth is obvious to me1: Life is miraculous and rare to be sure. Yet given the daunting expanse that is our Universe, the math is unequivocal. Life is undoubtedly pervasive throughout. Still, of all the life out there, what percentage can think? What percentage can emote? What percentage of it can cry? Laugh? Create art or even read this blog post? So when I think about The Root Cause and our Credo, this is where I am coming from. to do my part to help create a better society, a better community, a more egalitarian system of sustenance that honors the magnitude of “The Gift”.
I am often awestruck by the beauty of the preamble to our Declaration of Independence, penned and signed on July 4th, 1776.
“When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the Earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them. A decent respect to the opinions of mankind, requires that they should declare the causes which impel them the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created equal and that they are endowed by their Creator. With certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among them. Deriving their just powers from the consent of the government.”
Armed with the knowledge of The Gift, can we truly understand the meaning “…that all men are created..” as we have all been blessed with the Gift.
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